[] I am shorter than 5'4.
[x] I think I'm ugly sometimes.
[x] I have many scars.
[x] I tan easily.
[x] I wish my hair was a different color.
[] I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.
[] I have a tattoo.
[x] I am self-conscious about my appearance.
[] I have/I've had braces.
[] I wear glasses.
[] I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
[x] I've been told I'm attractive by a complete stranger.
[] I have more than 2 piercing.
[] I have piercing in places besides my ears.
[] I have freckles.
[x] I hate my dad.
[x] I hate my mom.
[x] I have a brother.
[] I have a sister.
[daily] I've sworn at my parents.
[] I've run away from home.
[] I've been kicked out of the house.
[] My biological parents are together.
[] I have a sibling less than one year old.
[] I want to have kids someday.
[] I've had children.
[] I've lost a child.
[x] I'm in school.
[] I have a job.
[x] I've fallen asleep at work/school.
[] I almost always do my homework.
[x] I've missed a week or more of school.
[] I've been on the Honor Roll within the last 2 years.
[] I failed more than 1 class last year.
[] I've stolen something from my job.
[] I've been fired.
[x] I've slipped out an "lol" in a spoken conversation.
[] Disney movies still make me cry. (No cuz I'm soo masculine )
[] I've peed from laughing.
[x] I've snorted while laughing.
[x] I've laughed so hard I've cried.
[x] I've glued my hand to something.
[] I've had my pants rip in public.
[] I was born with a disease/impairment.
[] I've gotten stitches/staples.
[x] I've broken a bone.
[] I've had my tonsils removed.
[] I've sat in a doctor’s office/emergency room with a friend.
[] I've had my wisdom teeth removed.
[] I had a serious surgery.
[x] I've had chicken pox.
[] I was born in a different country.
[] I've driven over 200 miles in one day.
[] I've been on a plane.
[] I've been to Canada.
[] I've been to Mexico.
[] I've been to Niagara Falls.
[] I've been to Japan.
[] I've celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans.
[x] I've been to Europe.
[] I've been to Africa.
[] I've gotten lost in my city
[x] I've seen a shooting star
[x] I've wished on a shooting star.
[x] I've seen a meteor shower
[x] I've gone out in public in my pajamas.
[x] I've pushed all the buttons on an elevator.
[punched him but whatever same thing] I've kicked a guy where it hurts.
[] I've been to a casino.
[] I've been skydiving.
[] I've gone skinny dipping.
[] I've played spin the bottle.
[probably] I've drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour.
[] I've crashed a car.
[] I've been Skiing.
[x] I've been in a play.
[] I've met someone in person from myspace.
[] I've caught a snowflake on my tongue.
[] I've seen the Northern lights.
[x] I've sat on a roof top at night.
[] I've played chicken.
[x] I've played a prank on someone.
[x] I've ridden in a taxi.
[] I've seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
[x] I've eaten sushi.
[] I've been snowboarding.
[x] I'm single.
[] I'm in a relationship.
[] I'm engaged.
[] I'm married.
[] I've gone on a blind date.
[] I've been the dumpee more than the dumper.
[x] I miss someone right now.
[] I have a fear of abandonment.
[] I've gotten divorced.
[x] I've had feelings for someone who didn't have them back.
[] I've told someone I loved them when I didn't.
[x] I've told someone I didn't love them when I did.
[] I've kept something from a past relationship.
[x] I've had a crush on someone of the same sex.
[] I'm bi.
[x] I'm gay.
[] I've had sex.
[] I've had phone sex.
[] I've cybered.
[] I've had sex in public.
[] I've had a crush on a teacher.
[No *shifty eyes*] I am a cuddler.
[] I've been kissed in the rain.
[x] I've hugged a stranger.
[] I have kissed a stranger
[x] I've done something I promised someone else I wouldn't.
[x] I've done something I promised myself I wouldn't.
[] I've snuck out of my house.
[x] I have lied to my parents about where I am.
[] I am keeping a secret from the world.
[] I've cheated while playing a game.
[] I've cheated on a test.
[] I've run a red light.
[] I've been suspended from school.
[] I've witnessed a crime.
[a play one] I've been in a fist fight
[] I've been arrested.
[x] I've consumed alcohol
[] I regularly drink.
[] I've passed out from drinking.
[] I have passed out drunk at least once in the past 6 months.
[] I've smoked weed.
[] I've taken painkillers when I didn't need them.
[] I've eaten shrooms.
[] I've popped E.
[] I've inhaled Nitrous.
[] I've done hard drugs.
[] I have cough drops when I'm not sick.
[] I can't swallow pills.
[] I can swallow about 5 pills at a time no problem.
[x] I have been diagnosed with clinical depression.
[x] I have been diagnosed with one or more anxiety disorder.
[x] I shut others out when I'm depressed.
[] I take anti-depressants.
[] I'm anorexic or bulimic.
[] I've slept an entire day when I didn't need it.
[] I've hurt myself on purpose.
[x] I've woken up crying.
[] I'm afraid of dying.
[x] I hate funerals.
[x] I've seen someone dying.
[] Someone close to me has attempted suicide.
[] Someone close to me has committed suicide.
[x] I've planned my own suicide.
[x] I've attempted suicide.
[] I've written a eulogy for myself.
[] I own over 5 rap CDs.
[x] I own an iPod or MP3 player.
[x] I have an unhealthy obsession with anime/manga.
[x] I own a plushie of my fave character from anything.
[] I own a cosplay outfit. (sadly, no)
[x] I know what cosplay means.
[] I own multiple designer purses, costing over $100 a piece.
[] I own something from Hot Topic.
[] I own something from Pac Sun.
[x] I collect comic books.
[] I own something from The Gap.
[x] I own something I got on e-bay.
[] I own something from Abercrombie.
[] I can sing well.
[] I've stolen a tray from a fast food restaurant.
[] I open up to others easily.
[x] I watch the news.
[x] I don't kill bugs.
[x] I hate hearing songs that sacrifice meaning for the sake of being able to rhyme.
[x] I curse regularly.
[] I sing in the shower.
[] I am a morning person.
[] I paid for my cell phone ring tone.
[sorry, but yes >__>] I'm a snob about grammar.
[] I am a sports fanatic.
[] I twirl my hair.
[] I have "x"s in my screen name.
[] I love being neat.
[] I love Spam.
[] I've copied more than 30 CD's in a day.
[] I bake well. (HA)
[] My favorite color is either white, yellow, pink, red or blue.
[] I've worn pajamas to school.
[] I like Martha Stewart.
[x] I know how to shoot a gun.
[] I am in love with love.
[] I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS.
[] I laugh at my own jokes.
[] I eat fast food weekly.
[x] I believe in ghosts.
[x] I am online 24/7, even as an away message.
[] I've not turned anything in and still got an A in a certain class
[Only because if there is, you eat them in your sleep, and that kills them and I hate people killing spiders] I can't sleep if there is a spider in the room.
[>__>] I am really ticklish.
[x] I love white chocolate.
[] I bite my nails.
[x] I play video games.
[x] I'm good at remembering faces.
[x] I'm good at remembering names
[x] I'm good at remembering dates.
[] I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life
[] I loath lables.
[x] I like action movies.
[x] I like horror movies.
[x] I know the most random facts about things people have never heard of before.
[x] I can't spell.
[x] I treasure my friends.
[] I think of others before myself.

[x] All of those are answered honestly.



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Well, I wanted to make a record of this before I forget it. Because I probably will.


I realised why Cassis is such an important song to me. I never knew why, but everyone found it sad. I never felt that... it has a sad undertone, true, but it means something more positive to me.


Because... well, when I first heard Cassis, I was going through a pretty rough patch. I didn't know who I was, I was depressed, suicidal and had nothing but constant arguments with my mother. But then I heard Cassis and I couldn't stop listening to it... I didn't know why but I just really liked it and when I got into the band, I found that I was actually starting to come to terms with my identity and the fact that I didn't have to be something I wasn't and I didn't have to be so angry. The GazettE and visual kei in general is a part of my identity.


Though, I did a complete 360 just after that... and it made me realise something... well, about a few days ago it hit me why I was very masculine and then suddenly very feminine. It was sort of a subconscious mechanism. There was my masculine side in everything that I was doing... then visual kei was kind of new and my mind was sick of the arguments and abuse I got from my mother, consequentally, the 'feminine side' took over so that, maybe, I could stop the arguments in some way. It didn't last long... a month and a half, perhaps? Unsurprising thing was, it was complete hell to keep dressing as a girl. It drove me up the wall and I hated it. So it got to about Christmas/November time and I decided that enough was enough and I wasn't going to be like that anymore.


I figured that if I was going to develop my own identity (like I should) I wasn't going to do it pretending to be someone I wasn't. By this time, as you could imagine, I was pretty damn lonely. I liked things nobody had an interest in, I was angst ridden (lol) and basically, I'd drifted away from everybody in the time it took to identify myself.


Though a month later I made some awesome friends and I've been with them since... even if I don't get to see them much, they're still amazing friends I hope to keep forever.



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1. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
2. Am I lovable?
3. How long have you known me?
4. When and how did we first meet?
5. What was your first impression?
6. Do you still think that way about me now?
7. What do you think my weakness is?
8. Do you think I'll get married?
9. What makes me happy?
10. What makes me sad?
11. What reminds you of me?
12. If you could give me anything what would it be?
13. How well do you know me?
14. When's the last time you saw me?
15. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
16. Do you think I could kill someone?
17. Describe me in one word.
18. Do you think our friendship is getting stronger/weaker/or staying the same?
19. Do you feel that you could talk to me about anything and I would listen?
20. Are you going to put this on your journal and see what I say about you?

FILL IT AHT. NAH.
<3



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Why does everyone else get a decent family?

Okay, I know that no one has a perfect family, but at least they love them... I'm getting pretty sick of people saying: Well people have it worse than you Kit... or something along those lines. I know I'm not the worst off, but look at it. Some people have abusive parents. My parents aren't physically abusive(though they are verbally abusive). But the difference is, people with abusive families... those parents obviously have something wrong with them and are not capable of looking after children. But my parents COULD and they don't make the effort.

The basic thing is, as I've stated before, is that I'm trans - I'm unhappy with the way that I was born, I need to change in order to be happy, and basically my mum hates me for it because I'm not what she wanted me to be.

You know... I'm not saying that they should've known, but they do know now and they're making it worse. I don't understand why it won't penetrate their thick skulls.

I'm kind of at the point now where I just can't give a fuck about them anymore. They can't accept? Fine. They'll be the ones to suffer in the long term because I'll go and do this and be happy, and they'll be wallowing in misery. I'd be happy to see them if they wanted to, but they don't accept me, so, screw them. I'm not going to give up true happiness for a family that doesn't love me.

Well, that sections over.

School. School is shit, in general.

I hardly speak to Ash, Maz and Liz anymore. And you know what? I couldn't care less. Ash basically sits there talking about sex all the time, something I'm really not interested in... but again, so what? She's happy, good for her. Liz and Maz? Both happy, even if I don't get on with them anymore. So what? I'm not about to soil that.

Then there's the boys... well, they're funny, but I wouldn't call them true friends cuz like... Well, they just don't feel like friends. I have Yesha and Tori, too, but I'm not that close to them yet.

You want to know why I don't socialize much? There's your answer.



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[Relationship Status] - Single.
[Shoe size] - 6
[Parents still together] - No
[Siblings] - 4
[Pets] - 1 cat, but personally I count it as two cuz she's like, obese.

FAVORITES
[Color]- Purple, Silver
[Number]- 3
[Animal] - Ghost Fish, Hammerhead, Snow Lynx, Spider.. all, actually. I think they're all beautiful. Even the mindless killing ones ^__^
[Flower] - Apple blossom, Nightshade, Willow

DO YOU
[Twirl your hair?] - No.
[Have tattoos?] - No, but I'm getting a Scorpion tattooed on my lover abdomen and just into the crevice between my leg and my you know what~
[Cheat on tests?] - No
[Like roller coasters?] - I HATE them.. I have a balance disorder and shit, makes me feel even worse...
[Wish you could live somewhere else?] - Definitely... Japan..
[Like cleaning?] - No way
[Write in cursive or print?] - Cursive
[Know how to drive?] - No~
[Own a cell phone?] - Yes.
[Ever get off the internet?] - No.

HAVE YOU EVER
[Been in a fist fight?] - Yeah.. not a serious one though.
[Considered a life of crime?] - No.
[Considered being a hooker?] - No.
[Been in love?] - No.
[Made out with JUST a friend?] - No.
[Kicked someone in the nuts?] - No, but I punched someone in the nuts before now.

CURRENTS
[Current clothing] - White man blouse, underwear, dark jeans, black waistcoat and cholker and rosary.
[Current hair] - Freshly straightened : )
[Current thing I ought to be doing] - Science and Maths revision for exams...
[Current cd in stereo] - NIL
[Last movie you saw] - Formula 17 (LOVE! <33)
[Last thing you ate] -Malibu
[Believe there is life on other planets?] - It's been proven.
[Read the newspaper?] - Yeah, just about an hour ago *shiver* was horrible...
[Hate yourself?] - Sometimes.
[Have an obsession] - Uhuh. The GazettE, Nightmare.. among others.
[You believe in love at first sight?] - No. Attraction at first sight, maybe, though, I think that if you ever met your soulmate, its supposed to be your soul's recognition of its other half or something...
[You believe in "the one?"] - Yeah, though it depends on whether you want it or not
[Are you a tease?] - Haha, a sadistic one at that.
[Too shy to make the first move?] - Yes

ARE YOU A
[Daydreamer] - I live in a non-existent place in my mind.
[Sarcastic] - At times.
[Shy] - Acutely.
[Talkative] - No. Only with people I get on with, I guess..

WOULD YOU RATHER...
1. Pierce your nose or lip:: Both.
2. Be serious or be funny:: Both.

ARE YOU...
1. Simple or complicated:: Complicated.

ABOUT YOU...
1. What time is it:: 22:11
2. Name:: Beau.
3. Nickname(s):: Kit, Bethany by people who dont know me well enough .__.

WHAT DO YOU WANT...
1. Where do you want to live: Japan.
2. How many kids do you want:: none.
3. What kind of job do you want:: Art.
4. Do you want to get married:: I think it can be a little like... opressive to be married, but that might just be because all the marriages I've ever known of have broken down.

UNIQUE..
1. Nervous Habits:: Knee jerking, biting.
2. Are you double jointed:: In my ring fingers.
3. Can you roll your tongue:: Yes
4. Can you raise one eyebrow:: Yes. Only one though.
5. Do you make your bed daily:: I try to

CLOTHES, ETC...
1. Which shoe goes on first:: Right. I have to use hands to put the left one on, usually.
2. Ever thrown one at someone:: Yeah
3. How much money do you carry in your wallet?:: £10?

In the last month have you...
Bought something:: Yep.
Gotten sick:: Yes
Sang: No.
Felt stupid:: Yes.
Missed someone:: No
Got drunk:: No
Gotten high:: No
Danced crazy:: No
Gotten your hair cut:: No
Watched cartoons:: Yes.
Lied:: Yeah.

Last Person that...
Slept in your bed:: Me
Saw you cry:: Ash.
Made you cry:: God.
Saw a movie with you:: I watch them on my own, usually. I don't like watching films with people for some reason...
Said 'I love you' to you:: And actually meant it? Nobody. Ever.

HAVE YOU EVER...
Been to California:: No
Been to Canada:: No
Been to Europe:: Live there.
Wished you were the opposite sex:: Every waking moment.
Snuck out of your house:: No



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